What Makes You Weep?

I had a very interesting discussion tonight that made me think of something that I really wanted to share, something that I may have shared about years ago in other circles, but needs to be shared to this newer generation as well :)

Merry invited me to an event coming up with her old church in December. And I found it very hard to accept, because it raised the possibility of missing a Sunday at my beloved church BCAC. (Which is rather curious, really - after all, can't I just miss one week at BCAC? It's just ONE week after all. Not even for your girlfriend?!)

And it got me reflecting on the reason why I feel so much attachment (even over-attachment) to my church.

See, I wasn't always at BCAC. I actually was "born" into another church; in fact, that church was "born" in the same year as I was born, and I pretty much viewed her as my "sister". I was raised in that church, was loved by that extended church family, and loved the place dearly.

But one day (when I was about 12), we simply… left. I didn't really understand the reasons at first. I thought my parents just had some new calling from God or something. (Which is true in a way, I suppose). But not long after, it came to my attention (through my very advanced eaves-dropping skills XD) that we had actually left after a very ugly church split in which some ungodly decisions were made, and that there were people at my old church that were bad-mouthing my dad. We had virtually (though not explicitly) been "kicked out" of my  old church.

I don't know whether you who are reading this can understand the depth of pain, grief and anguish that I felt over that as a 12-year-old-ish boy. This dear family of mine that I had loved and cherished no longer wanted me there any more. Suddenly, I lost all of my closest and dearest friends that I had grown up with in one fell swoop. I could no longer visit this dear Sister of mine. The very foundation of my life had been ripped away from me violently by angry people, who were laying false accusations on my beloved father.

Needless to say, I was very, very angry. I was furious. But I did not know how to process it, how to deal with it. How does a 12-year-old express the exquisite grief felt by being abandoned, thrown out, by his beloved church? Haha, I don't believe that it would even register in the minds of most parents that a child might think in such a way.

For the next few years, my family drifted, lost. My parents tried going to and helping out other churches; they even started their own evangelistic organisation. But we were always moving. My parents couldn't go to another Cantonese church any time soon; the Brisbane circle was just too small, and it was not easy to find a Cantonese church that would welcome us with open arms. But we just never felt at home in Western churches, no matter how "multicultural" anyone may proclaim themselves to be. To be honest, I felt that my parents became disillusioned about the whole idea of a "church home", and had become content with simply drifting around and serving wherever they can, rather than finding a place to take root and call home, simply because they had been hurt too much by close friends in our old church.

And so I grew up during my teen years without a church home, at a time when I was going through the most tumultuous change and difficult decisions of my life. I was  lost, deeply, deeply lost.

And secretly, I was always grieving the loss of my Home.

Eventually, though, God provided. (In fact, He gave me this experience to help me grow too, as I will explain later).

The time came when I finally got my driver's license (yay! ^^"), and could finally drive myself to places. Around that time, close family friends of ours had recently just happened to find a "really good church" called Antioch International Church (what eventually became BCAC). We visited a few times, and even went to their Youth Camp (ahhhhh Minden 2003, how precious were those times! XD).

Then my parents told me that, since I could drive, I should settle down into this new church that had a good youth ministry. I suppose they knew that moving around without a church home was not a good thing for me. And so I started to drive my brother and myself to Antioch.

And soon enough, I had found a new Home :)

As I recounted this story to Merry, I found tears starting to well up in my eyes. (I did the very manly (and stupid) thing and just forced myself to not start crying in the open XD). I never saw myself as a particularly passionate person, and so I was somewhat surprised anew at how much passion I felt about the topic of "the Church".

My heart burned for the Church so much that I could not bear to see it harmed, polluted, or threatened. I love the Church dearly, not nearly as much as Jesus loves her, but greatly nonetheless. It is the Body of Christ; it is the place where His children come together and give Him glory; and it should never be subjected to disgrace and shame. The passion was so great that I had vowed (in my heart) that as long as I lived I would never allow anything to harm my Church Home; that I would never sit idly by to watch it burn to the ground; that I would never let the wolves attack my church without a bloody good fight; that I would never sit in the sidelines and watch my church Home break up and burn, so that more children will be burnt by the disgusting sinfulness of humankind.

THIS is why I work so hard for BCAC. THIS is why I don't care how much I give, or how much I lose, for the sake of the forward progress of the Gospel through BCAC. THIS is why I spend sleepless nights thinking up strategies and ideas to defeat the latest threat. THIS is why I write so many emails to the BCACers. THIS is why I can happily sacrifice money-earning potential during my entire uni life. THIS is why I am willing to sacrifice the ability to get better marks through more study in order to have more time to serve at BCAC. THIS is why I could give my social life over to my Lord. It is because the Body of Christ in BCAC, my beloved Home, is just so precious to me.

Fury, passion, grit and tears. There is nothing that makes my heart burn more than my passion for Christ's Church.

But as I watch "the kids" of BCAC, I can't help but laugh in despair. What are these kids DOING? Lounging about as if they have all the time in the world, thinking that what was given to them has always been and always will be? They are TAKING FOR GRANTED something that is so precious, so fragile, so easily destroyed. They care not for their Church Home because they think that this is not such a precious thing, and that even if they lose it it wouldn't really matter.

But it isn't! It is such a precious thing, especially to those that do not have the privilege of having it. This is such a treasure in such a fallen, nasty world, to have a place of worship, of fellowship, of true Christian brotherhood, a place where people can come to meet Christ, to grow in Him and to call HOME.

Children of God, and especially the newest generations of the Children, please, please, please do not take for granted the beautiful gift of your Church Home. It is too precious to be lost, too valuable to be thrown into the bin, too special to simply say "it's too much effort" to care for it.

Please, look after your Home. Love the Church as Christ loved and died for His Bride, the Church. Care for her tenderly; defend her viciously; treasure her passionately.

And long for the day when the Bride is revealed in the light of God's Glory, at the great Wedding Supper of the Lamb, that glorious day when we can bask Eternally in the presence of our Lord, united with Him, forever and ever.

Amen.