Pride, selfishness and a new beginning

“If then there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, ² fulfill my joy by thinking the same way, having the same love, sharing the same feelings, focusing on one goal. ³ Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. ⁴ Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”

On Saturday, I had my first Deacon’s Board meeting in more than 2 years. Pastor Chris started us off by reminding me of this passage from Philippians.

Verses 3 and 4 struck me in particular. I’ve realised that over the years, I have grown proud. Maybe not in the usual loud-mouthed boastful way, but still proud nonetheless. I have grown too confident in my own capability, and too intolerant of other people’s failings. Even if I don’t voice out my own opinions, the bitter note is sounded from my soul, and so poisoned everything I did.

And the interesting thing was that the prouder I became, the more selfish I became. Again, not in the typical fashion of only ever talking about oneself or only doing things for oneself. It was more subtle, and more difficult to pin down: I had been thinking of things happening around me in terms of how it related to me and only me. I would think that someone’s bad day had to do with something I did; or when someone offered an alternative option to my ideas I would feel personally threatened and under attack.

It is interesting how pride and selfishness are so closely related.

Hopefully I would learn from this and not be so proud or selfish this time round -_-“