An Easy Burden

"Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” - Matthew 11:28-30

"There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven" - Ecclesiastes 3:1

"While they were traveling, [Jesus] entered a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet and was listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks, and she came up and asked, “Lord, don’t You care that my sister has left me to serve alone? So tell her to give me a hand.”
"The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.”" - Luke 10:38-42

-------

I never believed that I was that driven a person. Sure, I'm full of ideas and always keen to do something, but shouldn't that normal? There's so little time, and so much to do! There's a world to be saved; how can one stand to just let everything fall to pieces? To be honest, I felt I was too laid back given the circumstances. Thinking a million miles an hour was not fast enough for me.

And then my Depression hit me in the guts, and suddenly even just standing up was hard. It was difficult just to get out of bed; breathing was a chore. Suddenly, I had no power in myself to do anything. And I railed against the injustice of it all.

Why, Lord?! Why can't I do all the good things I want to do for You any more? Why have You stopped me dead in the prime of my life? You know my heart, and You know how I desire to give everything I've got for the Kingdom. Aren't these good and fruitful desires?

Now "everything I've got" means simply staying alive. It takes all I have to do the simplest things, and I can't do all the many things I want to do for the Kingdom.

Why?

"My yoke is easy and my burden is light"

...Wut???

An image then came to mind of the yoke. For those who aren't familiar with the term, a yoke is a device that allows two cows to be hooked up together so that they can pull together. It can also be used to get a more experienced cow to guide a less experienced cow; or for a stronger cow to help a weaker cow. 

In this image, I'm yoked with Jesus. He's doing the heavy lifting. I'm just a weak young calf, but I strain as hard as I can... but in an uncoordinated way that probably is terribly counterproductive! But Jesus bears it with good grace and just finds it a bit funny.

I came to realise that the Depression is His yoke for me. It is true that it holds me back; but it holds me back so that I can depend on Him more, learn to listen to Him more, learn to work in His way more. I may feel frustrated by the limitations it places on me, but He has good reasons to put it there. 

And His yoke is easy! Too easy, in fact. I struggle with the fact that He doesn't let me do more. I would much rather be used up fully by Him for great and grand designs; but He holds me back and humbles me with the simple task of getting up and staying alive.

But then I realise: what if I didn't struggle against the yoke? What if I simply rested in the limitations that God has placed in me? What if I realise that all He wants for me to do now is to be able to get up out of bed? What if He doesn't want me to do all the great and wonderful things I think I should be doing?

I realised that the cow that simply follows the direction of the yoke has a much easier time of it!

Lord, give me the grace to be humble and accept that I can only do small things at the moment. Help me to treasure this time of rest You have placed upon me, for my own good. There is a time for everything under the sun; and You know better than anyone else when the best time for anything is. Help me to rest easy and simply enjoy the days walking easy with you day-by-day, side-by-side. Even if I do nothing more significant for the rest of my life than walk with You, let it be enough. Let my heart be satisfied with Your company.

Praying against Mountains

"I assure you: If you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you tell this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' it will be done. And if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.' - Matt 21:21-22

I woke up with some melancholic thoughts about the difficult situations that people I loved were in. I felt the weight of my 'unanswered' prayers, hopes and aspirations for them. I wanted God's best for them, and prayed for that fervently, but those prayers seemed very, very far from fulfilment at this point in time. The World looked like a very bleak place where we were fighting a losing battle.

But then God used this passage to open my eyes to the faithlessness of my prayers.

There is a lot in the story surrounding this passage that I don't understand (eg. why blast a fig tree, Jesus?! lol), and I suppose I've used my lack of understanding to skip over the bits where Jesus is quite explicit but I find hard to believe. Whatever I ask? Will receive? Isn't that a bit too strong? Surely there are exceptions, such as needing to pray according to God's Will, etc.

And maybe there are; but I realised this morning that I had gone too far the other way.

I pray without faith, without certainty, without trust, without reliance. When I pray, I pray with a heart that expects that I don't really know God that well; and so I don't really know what He wants; and so whatever I pray for may or may not happen, no matter how 'right' it seems. And so I prepare contingency plans in my own strength, knowing that if God doesn't pull through, at least I have a plan.

But this isn't praying with faith - there isn't a mustard seed's worth. It isn't letting go of my will, dreams, hopes and aspirations and trusting that God's Will is better than whatever I can come up with. It isn't letting myself be vulnerable; I'm not putting myself in a position where if God doesn't pull through I'm royally screwed.

It isn't praying in accordance with what I already know about His good, loving, righteous character that overflows with compassion and concern for us.

Holy Spirit, give me the seed of faith I need to pray well. Open my ears to hear Your voice, so I know what You want me to pray for, so I know in faith it is given even before I have finished praying. Fill me with the assurance that comes with the certain understanding of Your character that is full to overflowing with love, so that I can pray with power. Help me let go of my fear of failure, so that I can rest in the assurance that comes with Your provision. The mountains may move, and they may not, but let me throw my lot in with You and trust You in prayer rather than in my own plans.