Thinking BIG

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts."

                                                      Isaiah 55:8-9

It was another night of wonderful refreshment at Ignite Training Conference. Tonight, Gary Millar's talk was titled "Learning to pray in an instant world", based on the passage in Ephesians 1:15-21.

The thing that struck me most about the talk is the great difference between God's ways and our ways. We are like demanding children, wanting to have exactly what we want NOW, unable to see the bigger picture, unable to see the problems with our desires. We think we know exactly what we need, and whine to our Father when we don't get what we thought we needed. (We are such spoilt brats!). And when we don't get what we want, we become disappointed and have the audacity to say that "prayer doesn't 'work'".

God works according to HIS own pace, not ours. We forget this often, but God's never in a great hurry. "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. " (2 Peter 3:8-9a) He's taken a few thousand years to present the solution to sin, he can afford to take a few years to sort out your personal problems. It may seem a lifetime to us, but we need to remember that God has much, much, bigger things in mind than we do. Humans are always in a hurry to get this or that done - and even more so in this instant generation - but God is wiser than we are and knows what needs to be done when.

God works according to HIS own agenda, not ours. Our prayers are often far too small!! Not that He doesn't care for our bad back, our financial situation, our strained relationships, etc, but when you think of these things in light of the GREATER plan of Salvation and the Good News of the Gospel, these things really pale in comparison. Why pray for good health when an illness would provide you an opportunity to step into someone else's shoes and allow you to share the Gospel with them where they're at? Why pray for wealth, when that would simply work to draw you away from being totally dependant on God? Why pray for a life without problems, when these problems are so effective in shaping our character? Our field of vision is too small, and we simply do not comprehend the magnitude of God's Plans. He's working to weave the amazing tapestry of the Gospel Story, and here we are worried about our own little piece of thread.

It reminds me of an analogy that CS Lewis had written about, where a child refuses an offer for a trip to the beach in favour of spending time in his little mudpit. Because the child could not understand the AWESOMENESS of the beach, he chooses to keep playing in the mud rather than to go to that which we know is better. Like that child, we often think that we know what we want, and we get so easily satisfied with so very little! Instead, we should listen to our Father and realise how much MORE He is willing to give us, if only we would take His hand and walk with Him.

Think Big. Dream Big. Pray Big.

Keep praying; don't lose heart. It's going to take a while, and take a lot of effort.

But in the end, it is well worth waiting for :)

The Light of Hope

Then Jesus spoke to them again: “I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows Me will never walk in the darkness but will have the light of life.”

Tonight I had the privilege of hearing Gary Millar speak at Ignite Training Conference  on the topic of prayer. His talk tonight was entitled, "Learning to pray in a cynical world", and was based on the passage in Mark 9:14-29, where the disciples had failed to cast out a demon in a boy. Jesus berates them for their unbelief, and summarily casts the demon out. When the disciples asked why they couldn't do it, Jesus said that the task required prayer.

The disciples hadn't prayed! You'd think that being His disciples, they would pray to do the task; it seems such a basic, fundamental thing in the Christian life. But they hadn't, and that was why they failed.

Why is our prayer life poor? Ultimately it is because of unbelief - deep in our hearts, we ultimately do not believe that prayer would actually make a difference. The reasons for this may be many and varied, but the problem is the same: the heart of an unbelieving generation (Mk 9:19). People start thinking that they can do it on their own; or that God doesn't really listen; or that God doesn't really care… and they "forget" to pray. Somewhere along the line, they had lost sight of the Great Hope they had in the Messiah, their Awe of the Living God, their Thankfulness for a Mighty Saviour, and their Trust in their Loving Father.

And to be honest, that describes perfectly the state of my soul at this point. The ravages of the last few years have left their mark on me. Maybe I'm too proud to admit it publicly, or I wouldn't have the guts to frame it in such a blunt manner , but if I was perfectly honest with myself, I would find that deep within I do not really believe that it is that important to commune with my God; that God cares that much about me; that God He is all that powerful, loving and good. Sure, Jesus has saved me and will take me Home when it is time, but in between now and then, I must've thought that I was on my own and I should just make the best out of a bad situation in my own strength and power.

But that is to make a grave mistake about the promises that God has made. He has proclaimed that He is our light of life, and that if we follow Him we would never walk in darkness. He has promised that if we continue in His word, we would know the truth and the truth would set us free. He has promised us that if we drink from His spring of Living Water, we would never be thirsty again. He did not say that if you believe in Him that you'll make it in the end but between then and now you're on your own!!

There may be a lot of disappointments along the way; the road my be difficult and treacherous; the wait may be long and the pain may be great. But our God is greater, and He has promised that He would never leave us or forsake us. He will lead us through the shadow of the valley of death, and will not leave us there.

What is the antidote to Unbelief? The Gospel of course :) It is the Good News of Jesus' life, death, burial and resurrection that gives us the precious hope needed to win against unbelief. Through the Cross, we see the staggering depth of God's love for us, a love that cultivates trust and thankfulness in our hearts. Through Jesus we rediscover the awe of the Magnificent One, whose hands flung stars into space and whose breath gave us life. Through His blood we rediscover the delight in life that rests not on the shifting sand of our earthly circumstances, but on the firm foundation of the hope of our Salvation. It is the Gospel that cures our Unbelief and allows us to pray with fervent passion to our loving and intimate Father who listens with the most delicate attention and cares with the most tender heart.

Hope is a precious commodity that is hard to find in a cynical World. In fact, it cannot be found there at all. It is only in Jesus, our Light of life and the Spring of Living Water, that we can hope to find this everlasting and unshakable hope.

Through Him we find life, lived to the full, overflowing in abundance. 

He is the Light that guides us through the darkness of this cynical and prayer-less World.

Of beginnings and endings

Freedom.

Today was a special day: my first day in the GP Training program.

In typical "airy-fairy GP" fashion, we were asked how we felt about commencing the GP Training Program. I didn't feel excited (except occasionally); I didn't feel scared; I was neither elated or depressed. I simply felt numb; it was as if I am living a dream, and at any moment I will be thrust back into the nightmare of hospital life once more.

Not that hospital life is always that bad. My Palliative Care rotation just past has been quite refreshing, and I still remember with great fondness my first rotation in the Royal Children's Paediatric Department of Emergency.

But if you asked me to summarise my experience working as a hospital resident, the only thought that comes to mind is: Survival. True, residency is nowhere near as bad as it used to be, and nowhere near as bad as it is in other places around the world. It probably is still much better than the life of a Hospital Registrar. Nevertheless, I still remember the hospital as a barren relational desert, where the constant migration of individuals in the workforce works to encourage relational shallowness, and where this lack of depth of relationship, together with the high-stress environment, allow some people to feel that they could get away with whatever emotional or verbal abuse they feel like throwing out.

I am relieved to be moving on to the next stage of my life. Maybe I can finally have time to remember once more why I decided to do Medicine, the reasons for my convictions, instead of constantly trying to heal new wounds that keep on mounting. But the realisation that I am moving on hasn't quite hit yet. I don't know if it will hit until I arrive at Goondiwindi tomorrow. Maybe not even then.

If you're looking for a point to learn from this post, some profound philosophical insight or some gem of wisdom… there is none. This is simply my way of pausing, of remembering, of mourning, of celebrating, of moving on.

Now that I have reached the light at the end of the tunnel (Have I really?) the light seems so bright that it's taking time to re-orient myself to this world of light.

But at least there is some light now :)

It will be interesting where this path will take me.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised! (Job 1:20 - note the context)

Thankyou Father for Your faithful love. Thankyou for Your loving hands of comfort even in the darkest valley and coldest nights. Thankyou that You have brought me to green pastures and by streams of living water. Thankyou for Your Peace, for the moments in the eye of the storm. Thankyou for the storms of life that weather and shape me into the wonderful creation that you have created within me. Thankyou that You have never left me, even in the moments when I felt most lonely.

Thankyou that I can fly once more, and sing.