Smile :)

The best smiles are bittersweet :)

When we are around people, we generally tend to put on a presentable, friendly, face to the outside world. When you are alone by yourself, though, have you noticed what the natural disposition of your mouth is? Do you naturally wear a smile on your face? How often, how easily do smiles find their way onto your face without any particular reason?

I don't know about you, but for me, these "natural" smiles are rare, and even more so in recent times for me when the burdens of life have made me forget what a real smile - the ones that come directly from the heart - is.

But what is the worth of a smile?

Children smile easily. They can laugh at almost anything. Sometimes all you have to do is look at a little one, and they'd blush, smile, and hide behind their parent. Some people wish for the times of childhood, when laughter and smiles came easily, when things were simpler and life was easier. But theirs is a happiness that comes from a lack of knowledge, a lack of the experience of the harsh realities of life. To most first-world children, the world is still a happy place, full of fun and excitement and joy. And so it is easy, too easy, for them to smile. And so their smiles are in a way… cheap.

As they go through life though, Life reveals itself for what it is. This sin-filled world bares its fangs and starts breaking down  the defences of the soul. And it is no longer so easy to smile. Some souls die, and they forget how to smile any more. Others become poisoned, and their cynical laughter is bitter and twisted, mocking the naïve few who still believe that we live in a good world.

Others live in denial, and pretend that the world is still good, and insist that they must keep smiling. They hold their smiles as a protective mask, in protest to the evil that they see around them. It is a beautiful world; life must be beautiful. But they do so in vain, for the mountain of reality cannot be moved by wishful thinking. Their efforts are foolishly futile, and their smiles are cheaper than even those of children, for these are not real smiles at all. They are merely masks, memories of a distant time long past.

There's another type of mask as well, equally cheap but a bit more honest. These smiles form a defensive barrier, a wall, around oneself, not just to protect themselves but also to keep everyone out. "How are you going?", "Good thanks!". If you put up that wall, no one will know the pain within you, no one will try and step in, and no one will make the pain worse in trying to "help".

And then there are the smiles of those who have gone through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. Well, at least one portion of it.

The other night, a marvellous thing happened to me. A smile crept up onto my face, all on its own. I had just finished my time of prayer at the beach, and was walking to my car, slowly. And I found contentment in my heart, having spent intimate time with the Father. My heart was glowing, and I just...smiled.

It was amazing to me, because it has been a very long time since such an honest smile had come to me spontaneously. I had thought I had forgotten how to do that. But what was more amazing was that the pain within my heart was still there! My heart had not finished weeping - the raw grief was still so tangibly present - yet it still managed to have the strength to make a smile glowing with hope.

The best smiles are bittersweet. The soul that has known adversity, pain and suffering, yet can still smile despite fully grasping the reality of the pain, makes the most beautiful and precious smiles. They are worth a lot more, because they come with so much difficulty and are so very rare. Many people either give in to the reality of evil or blatantly deny its presence, pretending that it's not there. Very few fully grasp, understand and embrace the reality of the Fallen Nature of this world, and fewer still can smile in spite of such grim knowledge.

And so, I realised, the smiles of an old and aching heart, are the best. Yes, the world is not a good place. No, my problems have not gone away yet. But I can still smile. Not because the pain is gone, but because my God is good, and He is still there, in spite of the pain. My hope rests on a firm foundation, not on the fact that the world is still a good place to live, but on the fact that I am heading Homeward, to that glorious place where my Father will wrap His arms around me, where my wounds will be healed, and where I will find Shalom. I do not deny that the World is evil, nor do I give in to its evil, but I rise and challenge it with the Cross of Jesus Christ, where my God died to put an end to all that evil, so that I may find Peace. "Where, o Death, is thy sting?!" :)

Yes, the pain is still there. Yes, the grief is still almost overwhelming. But "I have learnt the secret of being content in any and every situation" (Phil 4:12). It's no secret at all really; it's actually really simple, and every Sunday School kid knows the answer: It's Jesus.

And so, my heart smiles :)

At least until the next time it forgets this simple and obvious fact XD XP